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Are You Embarrassed About Your House, Too?

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I have a confession to make: I’ve never loved my house.

In fact, I’m quite embarrassed about it. Which is why you never see me doing a “Home Tour.”

Unless, of course, you want to see crayon and hand-print smears on scruffy walls, totally uninspired design, and small piles of rejected DIY projects that never made the cut. LOL

Last year I wrote a post called Stop Thinking You Have an Ugly House. And while I am careful about not calling my home ugly, the truth remains:

I’ve never loved my home.

I brought this subject up to readers on my Thrift Diving Facebook page and found that many of you feel the same embarrassment about your home. So it’s good to know I’m not alone!

But let’s explore this a little more…

 

Are you embarrassed about your house too Here's how to start loving it! - Thrift Diving Blog

 

Are We Just Ungrateful?

Only spoiled brats could say they don’t love their house, right? After all, we should be thankful that we even have a home when so many people are homeless!

Or maybe we’re not keeping in perspective that we’ve got a great family, with spouses that love us, kids and grandkids that adore us and laugh with us in this space.

Home is where the heart is, they say.

So we should just be loving our home no matter what, right?

WRONG.

While I am grateful to have a home (as I’m sure you are), and I’m sooo thankful for the family that lives here with me, all of those wonderful things don’t negate the fact that my house doesn’t look like a happy place.

It’s not about wanting a magazine-worthy home.

It’s not about wanting expensive furnishings.

It’s not even about worrying whether someone will like my style.

It’s really about that fact that I haven’t fully created the environment that makes me smile when I walk in the door.

(FYI…This is one of the few rooms that I adore in my house, my master bedroom, where I taught myself to install the crown molding!).

 

Wide view of master bedroom with new DIY crown molding by a novice!

Why We Don’t Love Our Homes

It’s really about the little piles of clutter (and they are little, but still….) that beg to be cleaned up, put away, gotten rid of, because they don’t belong here anymore.

It’s really about the dark cave that my family has lived in for over 4 years, surrounded by large maples that suck the light from the rooms, making me envious of others’ sun-filled homes.

It’s really about the lack of vision that I have had for some of the spaces in my home. Instead of making my home a priority, I have let my lack of vision paralyze me from moving as quickly as I would like.

No matter how loveable your family, your visitors, your location–if the inside of your home is not a reflection of “YOU” and what makes you happy, then it won’t be a home you love–period.

(NOTE: I wrote a post called 10 Questions You MUST Ask Before Buying a Home. Helpful tips so you don’t end up buying a home you don’t love!)

We Are Our Home!

It’s why we’re embarrassed to bring people over when it’s messy or undecorated. Because how people perceive our home is how they’re going to perceive us. If our home is classy, then people think we’re classy. But try having a messy house. The first thing people are going to think is, “Man….she’s messy!”

It reflects on us.

If we’re not happy with our home, we’re embarrassed to show others.  And nobody likes to be embarrassed, no matter how tough-as-nails they claim to be.

 

We Deserve Better

Our home shelters us and brings our family together. It should be a warm, safe, cozy place to unwind. We should look forward to coming home, not just because of the people inside but because of the way our home wraps us up.  It should be our oasis.

When we ignore our home, leave it cluttered, dirty, disorganized, uninspiring, we’re disrespecting our home. We’re disrespecting ourselves.

To love our home means to nurture it, repair it, make it pretty, and make it a natural reflection of who we are.

And when we walk inside of it, we should bring a smile–not a frustrated sigh.

 

So How Do We Start to Love Our Home?

If I knew all the answers, I would already love my home, wouldn’t I? 😉 But the first part is figuring out what the problems are. What’s stopping us from loving our house? Is it too dark? Too cluttered? Not enough this? Not enough that? Let’s reflect on these questions:

1. Figure Out the Problem

  1. What is the biggest thing stopping me from loving my home?
  2. How do I want to feel when I walk into my house? Relaxed? Inspired?
  3. Is my biggest problem going to cost me an arm and a leg?
  4. What’s one thing I can do today to move me closer to loving my home?

 

2. What Are You Willing to Sacrifice?

Face the facts: to fall in love with your house, it may take some work. You’re going to have to sacrifice something–time, money, letting go of clutter (eek!!), maybe even your self-confidence as you force yourself to make design decisions you were once scared to make for fear of “ruining” something. Be prepared to give up something.

 

3. Draft a Plan of Action

The more we lament about what we don’t like, the less time we spend on actually planning how we’re going to tackle the problem. At this point, my friends, figure out what you need in order to fix or improve your problem. Commit the money to it.
Don’t have time? Then schedule in 15 minutes a day.
No money? Open a savings account and save $25 a paycheck.
Don’t know how to use power tools? Watch YouTube and learn.
Just go for it!

 

4. Join a Room Challenge Makeover Challenge

One thing that has helped me with loving at least parts of my home is participating in my 30-day room challenge makeover challenges here on the blog! (You can sign up here). The idea is that we take one room in our house and make it over in about 30 days. It forces us to make a goal for the end of the month. And because a group of us are doing it at the same time, we have support and accountability for making it happen.
My laundry room, kids’ bathroom, and basement office area wouldn’t have been completed had it not been for our room makeover challenges!

 

My Laundry Room – BEFORE

Serena's Laundry Room - June Room Challenge_7871

My Laundry Room – AFTER

Pretty Laundry Room Makeover - Lavender - Thrift Diving Blog

My $1,250 Tree Problem

Today I did something crazy: I paid a company $1,250 to remove a huge tree from my backyard.
I know….$1,250…. But I’m smiling right now. No, actually, I’m doing cartwheels because I’m so excited!!!
You see, when we moved in nearly five years ago, I could never make peace with the trees. Trust me–I’m pro tree-hugger. But in the spring and summer my house turns into a dreary cave. These trees literally suck all sunlight from our house. It made me so unhappy every year.

 

But the amount of money it would take to remove just one of them–ouch. 

 

Dark Cave!!! – BEFORE

Tree removal in the backyard - Thrift Diving Blog
As a result, I found myself avoiding the darkest parts of my house, avoiding rooms that felt unhappy and closed in.
Today, I finally decided to do something about it. I paid $1,250 to remove the tree today. And I couldn’t be happier!

AFTER!! – No more sunlight suck!

 

 Tree removal - AFTER

 

As I watched the climber trim, cut, and remove this albatross, I couldn’t believe I was finally getting sunlight!
Tree being cut down in my backyard
I thought it would be painful to part with my $1,250, but you know what??

 

I felt proud and accomplished for moving forward on something I wanted so much. I just kept asking myself, “Why did you do this sooner, Serena??”

 

In order to fall in love our home, we have to do the tough things.

Today, I didn’t buy tree removal; I bought sunshine and happiness….

And although there is a ton more to do in this house, inside and outside…today was a big victory in moving towards loving my home.

The tree is finally gone! YES!
Here’s what the patio looked like close up. ICK!

BEFORE

My Pretty Patio Makeover6503
But once I was done with it, this is how it looked! So much nicer without that awful tree covering it up and causing mold to grow everywhere! (Click here for the full about about the patio makeover).

AFTER!

My Pretty Patio Makeover7026
So how about you? Are you embarrassed about your home? What’s stopping YOU from totally loving your home? Leave a comment below and let’s chat about this!

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62 Comments

  1. THANK YOU! I really needed to read this article. I don’t love my home and am embarrassed by it. That being said, I am hoping I will love it one day once we get it updated and remodeled. The hold up for us is time and money. My hubby and I both work full time so trying to find time or just make the time hasn’t been easy. And of course the money. We have started a list of what are priorities but we don’t always see eye to eye on how we should do something. I know we will get there one day just hope I am not 80!!

    1. Hey, Stormy! I hear you!!! Working full-time, especially if you have kids (but even if you don’t), there really isn’t a lot of time to work on stuff. The only thing you can do is to set a deadline for yourself. Maybe 2 months. Or even 3! But set a deadline. Once you know you only have a certain amount of time to get something done, you rise to the occasion and get it done, despite being busy. At least, that’s been my experience!

      As for money, if you’re looking for furniture, try the FREE sections on Craigslist! And then, of course, paint the stuff you get! You can do a lot without much money. The more expensive stuff, like crown molding and repairs, save up for them. You can get it done! 🙂

  2. We have huge pecan and black walnut trees in our backyard making our house dark – but also insulating us keeping our electric in the summer and gas in the winter bills lower than if we didn’t have the trees. I also get the benefit of the pecans and black walnuts when I cook………..we are going to have so darn many this year, we might even sell them! however, if the shade or darkness was affecting my mood – I would cut those things down too!

    The carpet is old and often I wish I had one of those fancy cool kitchens with granite counters and big islands in the middle with perfectly appointed windows throughout the house – my son and daughter-in-law have a brand new home just like that – but honestly – I love them however ever single time I’m there it feels cold and uncomfortable – like a museum. Sitting on white furniture makes me nervous. They don’t stain it because they work LONG hours to pay for all that stuff………and not much time together which may be a problem down the road.

    the small piles of clutter here and there, don’t really bother me. I’m a terrible duster……..I should dust more but then again, if I spent my weekend dusting and sorting and organizing – my husband and I couldn’t go yard saling and work on projects, my daughter and I couldn’t have fun lunches and we couldn’t take our grandson on little adventures that expand his world so that when we are gone we will still leave an imprint on his life and he will say to someone sometime, “My Cookie and PaPa took me to the Children’s Science Museum when I was a kid and we had the BEST time!”

    am I embarrassed about my house? Sometimes but the benefits of it not being “company ready” at all times are not outweighed by the benefits of my life experiences. 🙂 Just my 2 cents.

    1. Great points, Kelly!
      The good thing is that I haven’t noticed the house feeling any hotter sincere moving the tree. I wake up and see sunshine streaming in and OMG, it’s amazing!
      Oh–and dusting–who has time for that? LOL

      1. I would love to cut down one of our pecan trees but I feel that it is shading our house and cutting down on our electric bill. It is starting to edge out the sun from the garden, too. This is not making me happy. Not sure what to do.

    2. Kelli, how do you keep the squirrels from eating all of the pecans?

      1. Sadly Laura I do not! We’ve just always been lucky enough that our squirrels never eat ALL the nuts and we get plenty to use for holiday cooking and for the rest of the year. This year the limbs are extremely heavy here so we are expecting a bumper crop! Good luck!

  3. I hear you! I do love some of my rooms, by wish I had a bigger kitchen (it’s a galley) and that the wall to it was open to the hallway, that I had a laundry room..it’s out in the garage-UGH! I finally got my laminate flooring and some new carpeting, and I like my bedroom as well, but wish I had more storage. It’s never ending and like you stated, we should be pleased that we have a roof over our heads, as many don’t. I bet most men don’t think like we women do!

    Your remodel of bedroom and laundry room is wonderful. Great job…and I’m jealous because you have a laundry room!!! Love your blog, too!

    1. Hey there, Deb! I had a galley-style kitchen in my condo! I really loved it, and my condo. SIGH… When life was simple. LOL. Oh, but we had a closet at the end of the galley kitchen with a pantry closet that served as a laundry closet, and it was those stackable sets. OMG, you could get maybe 5 pair of jeans inside and that’s it! I totally forgot about that! I guess I am thankful for my larger laundry room. HAHA.

      As for your lack of storage, could you do some things like raise your bed on those bed raise thingys, and store some things there, and buy some free-standing storage containers? That might help!

      1. Hey, Serena! I don’t mind my galley kitchen, but wish it were more open, and had a larger pantry. I certainly don’t think I’d like that laundry situation you had in your condo!!! 🙂

        As for storage – my bed is so high right now, I have to use a bed-side step to get up into it…seriously!! Stop laughing! Maybe, if I just got rid of stuff…well, you know how that goes? Decluttering would be a better solution, I think, but it’s so hard to do. Never an easy solution. Thanks, for responding!

        1. OMG, lol, a step?! That’s funny! Mine is very slow. It’s a platform bed. But yes, decluttering is an option. It takes time!

  4. Penny gregory says:

    Missouri Ozarks! Dropping by soon? Haha can’t figure out where you are. Reading comments helpful. But I never cared for needlework, so I guess my ” activity ” is pinning on Pinterest. I’m beautiful dreamer because that’s what I do.

    1. Oh yes, I’ll just be over that way tomorrow, dahling…. LOL! I’m in Maryland, right outside of DC, about 20 minutes north!

  5. When my husband died in 2000, by house was white walls and carpet. Now, I have red oak floors and color on every wall. Have I loved every color I tried – heavens no. I remember the first time I painted my living room (which faces east by the way). It has a bay window that I painted one shade of green and then I painted the rest of the room another shade. It was very late when I finished so I could not really tell how it looked. Imagine my surprise when I walked into my bright room the next morning to mint green in the bay window and yellow green on the walls. I so hoped it would grow on me — it didn’t. But I have discovered that the cheapest form of decorating is a can of paint and a paint brush. Over the years I have gotten to be a very good painter. My son swears that the square footage in my house is smaller because of all the paint on the walls. That’s ok. The other thing I learned is, I decorate my house for ME not for anyone else. One of my next projects is to take the tub out of my bathroom and put in a walk in shower. I get a lot of negative feedback about doing this but I am 63 years old. A walk in shower with a seat is what this body needs. I get a lot of compliments and a lot of WTH when I decide to redo something because I got a new idea. I have lived in my house 22 years and my house is me.

    1. Terrie, I love this!! You are a woman who’s not afraid to make her house her own! And I had to laugh at that comment from your son about the square footage loss due to paint! HA! I had a similar experience in our condo. We had vaulted ceilings, too, and NO LADDER. I used one of those paint sticks with a edge brush on it–tough! I painted the whole living room and dining room combo area, only to get up the next morning and was like, “OMG, it’s too dark and I hate it!” EEK! I had to repaint the whole thing! LOL. Difficult paint edger and all!

      I would love to see what your house looks like! If you can, send me some pics! That would be fun to see!

  6. I love most of the inside of my home. Far from perfect but it fits my mainly “critter happiness” home design. The outside however is another story. The house is cute except for the horrible looking car-port in the left side that always makes me cringe. Now don’t get me wrong I’m VERY GRATEFUL to HAVE a carport since there is no garage. It functions well, is sturdy and not poorly constructed; but it isn’t under truss so the roof slopes -and slopes and looks like a cowering screened in area that doesn’t belong where it is. I’m not going to rebuild it because I’d rather spend my money on enjoying life while I’m still able to do that. I’ve noticed that the older I get the more my ideas about living happily have changed. At 35 I’d have ripped that ugly thing off the front of my house by myself, like the day after I moved in! Now – it functions and it is what it is. Wish I had a garage though!

    1. Ahhh…keeping it all in perspective! I like that, Mintchip! 🙂 Priorities change as we get older, huh!

  7. Love this post–thanks for the inspiration!

  8. We rent, but we do have permission to paint & do minor repairs/improvements. But I hate my home because: 1. it’s a duplex so windows only on one side of the house; 2. virtually no storage- 2 bedroom small closets (home built in 1927) & one small linen closet; 3. small kitchen with very little cabinet & counter space; 4. No washer/dryer connection or space so the small washer is in the kitchen in front of the sink/fridge & the dryer is in the living room; 5. one bathroom!! I could go on & on but my main thing is that I have some serious health problems & don’t have the energy to tackle all the clutter that has built up in my place, nor do I get much help unless I blow a gasket first!! So no, I don’t really love my “home”!! Hopefully once my disability kicks in, we can qualify to buy a real home. Now THAT I would L-O-V-E!!!

    1. Crossing my fingers your disability kicks in soon! Sounds like there is much not that you’re happy about in your house, and I totally understand that! How close are you to being able to get your new home?

  9. I think when I got a divorce at 45 I downsized to a smaller track home but it was new. I had not lived in a track home since age 28. I was embarrassed because everyone I knew had much fancier neighborhoods and homes. My journey began to put my stamp on my own space. My friends said they felt such a welcoming feeling when they entered. My girls had come from a huge huge bathroom to a teeny one but they said it was fine. As my style changed and emerged over the years, and my decorating became a hobby, arranging my bookcase or dresser top or experimenting with vivid colors when the world had gone gray or white, I found my small house just fine. The challenges led me to fix the laundry room. Fix my “Grandma’s Room”, I finished our family photo wall in the hallway, I redid a chandelier my way, I redid a dresser nightstand on Curts side of bed and redid antique frames and antiqued mirrors and added new lamps and decor. My bathroom got a mini facelift. I got my dream red leather chair and a half complete with all those buttons. But then came more physical problems and the yard of flowers is no more. My secret path is overgrown. My backyard haven looks neglected. Despite hiring help. I need to express true gardening skills I’d honed over the years so carefully tending my plants. Now? That is what sad fully makes me feel like my home is not me. Lack of flowers and beauty and joy filled family times. It’s kind of a lonely house now. Quiet. Lonely. Empty pool. Not grandiose like yours. Tiny. But perfect size for me now. Would I like different cabinets? My bathroom remodeled? My lights hung over the kitchen sink? New counters? Yes. But I’m ok. It’s still a warm welcoming place. Pretty much. I feel guilty that I wanted a different house in a nicer neighborhood.

    1. Awwww….that makes me sad to think of a totally quiet house! As much noise as my boys make, it’s great to listen to (SOMETIMES….not all the time. LOL). I wish you were able to do much more than you do. You have such a passion for creating, but are so limited because of your fall. That sucks! I’m glad you’re able to do the little you can, and that Curt is an awesome hubby that helps out when he can! How is he doing, by the way??

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