‘Twas the Night Before Thrifting

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I love thrifting (otherwise known as what I coined “thrift diving”), so I wrote a Christmas poem for the holiday season! 🙂


Twas the Night Before Thrifting - A Funny Adaptation by ThriftDiving.com

‘Twas a Night Before Thrifting

‘Twas the night before thrifting, when all through the house

Not an outfit needed washing, not even a blouse;

The laundry was folded by the dryer with care,

In hopes that tomorrow I’ll buy more things to wear;

My husband was nestled all snug in our bed,

Asleep after accusing that I’m hoarding again;

And my boys in their jammies, asleep in a snap,

“Finally! I’m free!” I whisper and clap,

When out in the garage there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Down the stairs I flew like a flash,

I had to make sure nothing was wrong with my stash!

The garage was stacked with furniture I stow

How many pieces, I don’t even know.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But a mid-century mod chair that I bought last year!

With a vintage old fabric so awesome and chic,

How dare someone say I’m a hoarder and freak?!

More pieces than I need, all ready to be reclaim,

And sometimes I buy several versions of the same,

Blues! Reds! And greens! Chalk paint I’m a’ mixin’!

Stripping! And sanding! Just needs a little fixin’!

To the top of the ceiling! and from wall to wall!

Now stash away! stash away! stash away all!

As piles spill and crash around my feet, I sigh,

Restacking the junk ‘till it’s ceiling-height high.

So back to my bedroom I once again flew,

With a closet full of clothes, most thrifted, some new

And then, with an inkling, I saw the real truth:

“I don’t need all this stuff!!” And then–poof!

As I drew in my breath, and was turning around,

Down came hangers with a deafening sound.

I was drenched all in sweat, from my head to my foot,

This crap needed to go, so all night I stayed put,

A bundle of dresses I had flung in a sack,

Tomorrow to the thrift store these clothes are going back!

My closet–how it smothered! So cluttered, how scary!

My closet was like prison, the situation quite hairy!

My determined little brow was sweaty with glow,

And the shirt on my back was as damp as wet snow.

I pulled out everything on top, below, and beneath,

To others my belongings I vow to bequeath.

I tossed out old jeans that no longer fit my belly

That made me look like a muffin top with jelly.

I’m chubby and plump, a larger version of myself,

I laughed when I saw a size 8 on the shelf.

A twinkle in my eye, a flip of my head,

I swore I’d never become so cluttered again,

I spoke not a word, and went straight back to work,

And filled garbage bags, tossed in the trunk with a jerk.

And laying my hand on my hip in a pose,

Vowing only to buy things I loved, of both furniture and clothes.

I sprang to bed, my mind clean as a whistle,

And away flew the stress like the down of a thistle.

Tomorrow I’ll still hit the thrift store alright…

Happy Thrifting to all, and to all a good night!

~Written by Serena Appiah

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18 Comments

  1. Christyisrc says:

    This is hysterical!

  2. Serena, I read this a few days ago, but I’m just now getting back here to comment. This isn’t any easy poem to parody yet you’ve done it masterfully.

    I especially enjoyed the way you incorporated decluttering your closet. It is wonderfully cleansing. I gave a speech to a group of women last year and mentioned that most women have three sizes in their closet: small, medium and liar. It’s positively wonderful paring down to the essentials. You’re left with clothing that looks terrific on you, that fits and that suits your lifestyle.

    Merry Christmas!

  3. Very clever girl. Your poem sings true to my heart. I love dragging stuff in from the thrift store but I love taking even more back. It is an addiction.

  4. hahahah so true Serena!

    very nice writing my friend,

    gail

  5. I love this poem! I got a good chuckle from it even though it is so true for me.

  6. Oh you lived up to your blog title with this spoof of our Clements Moore poem–Thrift DIVING!!!! I was giggling as I imagined your husband muttering hoarder as he carefully backs out his car in a snowstorm. And you hearing what arose such a clatter!!! All that furniture toppling!!! And bags and bags of clothes you are purging from your closet as your children dream of sugarplums???. And your brow all so sweaty as you work like an elf. And you wake up and it’s ALL a dream written for our enjoyment. ? Ahh Serena how boring life would be without you in my life!!!!! I can cry but usually giggle!!!!! So inquiring minds just have to know….was it ALL make believe or like the REAL Santa you’ve taken bags to the donation center and you’ve sold more furniture!!!!

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